The calm before the storm

For the first time, I’m entering Nanowrimo with a sense of excitement rather than guilt. I’m looking forward to the daily challenge of hitting a word count, of marching through my outline to tell a lovely story, of getting to the end of the month and being able to say “I did it”.

I’ve decided, as much as possible, not to tell anyone in my family that I’m doing the challenge. I need to do this for myself, not for anyone else.

I know my family will be supportive. But I know that I’m an attention-seeker but when I get the attention, the excitement fizzles. I’ve been through this enough times to know that’s what might happen, so I’m keeping it secret, keeping it safe, for the moment.

I’m scared.

I’m honestly terrified to fail again, to get so behind on the word goal that I can’t possibly catch up, to give up again.

But I’m reminding myself that the only true failure is giving up. Not getting to 50K isn’t a failure if I don’t stop until the novel is written.

Missing a day isn’t a failure unless I never start again.

Writing a crappy draft isn’t a failure because that’s what editing is for.

This is possible. I can and will do this.

Here we go.